Ladies, Let’s Speak Up!

My husband sprained his ankle last week. Big time. In a matter of seven days our foot/medical paraphernalia in our home has increased tenfold. With a spouse who can barely hobble to the bathroom, I immediately took this matter into my own hands. It was obvious he needed help with… well, everything. And he’s been quite vocal and clear about each thing he needs. Very clear.

Fast forward a week later, and I have been thinking about what it really means to ask for and get the help we need. As a woman, it made perfect sense to bend over backward and help someone I love adapt to his new condition. But what about the reverse scenario? Am I comfortable asking the people closest in my life for help? Can I admit that I can’t “do it all” and need support in ways that may be inconvenient?

Someone I met this week shared about her frustration with her boyfriend. Every time there was a conflict it was just so difficult to get the words out. We casually explored why; they had “perfect” communication the rest of the time, why did it get hard when she had something constructive to say? I believe that, as women, we desperately struggle with getting needs met and asking for help. There is an inherent belief that what we need and want from others is not valued as high as others’ needs. And how does this manifest? Through frustration, resentment, snapping, avoidance and more.

How about these scenarios? Do any of them resonate with you?

Dating Relationship Scenario:  You are worried that he likes to go out more than you and you’re “not that fun” Option 1: Keep going out to please him and process every worry and thought with your girlfriends. Option 2: Discuss your fears of inadequacy and rejection and confidently state the social pace you prefer. Know that if that’s not for him, then you’re worth something else.

Marriage Scenario: It’s been two years and you’re still doing the majority of the housework Option 1: Keep doing it and occasionally blow up, manipulate, complain. Option 2: Proactively and productively share your feelings around why you are unsatisfied. Talk about why it took so long to share. Request active change and prepare for compromise.

Friends Scenario: Your friend never asks how you are; it’s always all about her. Option 1: Keep hanging out, slowly start to avoid her and decrease one-on-ones. Option 2: Share how you feel – it makes you sad that you don’t feel valued in the relationship.

It’s obvious, ladies – Option 1 keeps things as status quo and Option 2 propels us into better and improved relationships! So why do we hold back? Let’s acknowledge and own the value of our worth and start speaking up!

What do you need to do this week to ask for help, get needs met and know your worth?